Ooh yeah - first blog since I set foot in India - some things have changed, but overall the same.. hot and dry and suffering from a mini drought and poverty and extreme f@@@ing corruption..

Ah well, there are a plethora of thoughts - but its all a mess.. been thinking non stop since I landed.. mom (who just arrived yesterday from Msia), dad, sis, the damn country.. too many things to think about - am i too opinionated? maybe.. but ah the question is - is forming an opinion the same as judging? Should ask M and her 'talk to my hand' thing..

But yeah - too much to write if I start and as I do my law essays i will probably start from the middle and tie myself up in knots.. but yeah, life is very free - at least there isnt much I have to do now.. well well well.. i shall leave the writing alone.. after all, not everything i think is meant to be written.. not that anyone keeps track of this blog any longer - but anyhow cant bring myself to say shit.. as Dr.Alban would say "stop fussing me stop fucking me - its my life"

Truth be told - noone bothers me.. maybe that bothers me.. i dont know.. Ask T - she bugged the f*** out of me the night I left... may Heaven have mercy on her horny teasing soul!! Cause I dont and I aint gonna put up with her.. may God bless me with less testosterone and the will to resist the willie..

6 hours of sleep in 2 days.. yeah the holidays are here!! Hectic day.. Indian High Comm (twice), Travel Agency, orchard.. the ankle still holding up - excellent!! Everythings prepared for the trip home now.. Think the parents are gonna be in a state of shock seeing me in my fat glory.. hop ethey dont think iam still a good kid and all that - tired of teh good kid charade.. but think they know that already..

Seriously speaking - the Nicoll Highway incident went largely quiet.. didn't create the kind of uproar I expected - good and bad I guess. Good because then it doesn't bog people down too much and the country is not in the doldrums of gloom.. Bad because lessons need to be learnt and what we had here had the potential for epic repercussions.. it could have been a complete catastrophe - at least my alarmist, panaroid, feeble intellect seems to perceive so... makes one wonder too.. would it have been different if the people died had belonged to the upper economic echelons?? Very callous thinking - the possibility is frightening.. one life should never be more important than the other.. right? God meant it that way - did He not?

Anyway enough of serious shit.. yeah must mention noble things.. did NOT drink or get high the past 2 nights - only a couple of cans - that is amazing really!! Actually turned down an opportunity to have beer just tonight... Oh yeah, K and L leaving for Australia soon - dammit all the NTU gang leaving for somewhere or the other.. gonna be friendless.. ha ha

Ok - bad shit - gonna go get some sleep.. and pack the room.. mammothian task indeed

Read this one - me trying softporn.. look beyond the words and find the humour ;)

Sex
they turn the lights off hit the bed
she goes down on him gives him head
he wants to do it get out fast
knows he is not made to last
goes about it like a power slam
wham bham thank you ma'am
she tho likes it slow and easy
handcuffs and whips make her queasy
and just for his ego's sake
an orgasm she does fake
she writhes and moans
scratches and groans
not now not now she goads
but in a final frenzy he explodes
he gets up goes off to the bathroom
she lies in bed engulfed in gloom
high and dry hes gone and left her
damn she thinks - my husbands better

ha ha - just about everyone who knows the site has read and asked me about that previous entry - a trifle ashamed now.. *sheepish grin*

Alright its time for the surprise birthday party and drinks later tonight.. Looking forward to it I guess.. and yeah reading M's blog reminded me of the truckloads of things I plan to do.. ha ha.. the list looks this

Drink Beer
Look at chicks
Drink Beer
Look at chicks
Drink Beer
Look at chicks (x 69)

he he he.. ok ok kidding about that one..

Alright off to go and play some computer game or the other.. not even sure which one yet.. such glorious indecision.. I've missed it!!! Live life Love life and all that good shit comes to mind.. think should go read a Wodehouse.. this time I shall buy a few for cheap.. yeah to all those reading this, you MUSt try reading PG Wodehouse.. aint no better writer than him ever!!

Must try and organise a post exam clubbing outing with the block guys too.. hehe - wanna see M get picked up.. that ought to be fun ;)

Exams ended.. sound fun eh.. but twisted my damn ankle - hasnt happened in 2 years or so.. Does it return with student life? ha ha.. Went for a sessino of pool and dinner.. heard about Nicoll Highway - section of it collapsed.. bloody tragedy.. hope its not one of Singapore's biggest - waiting for tomorrow's news to check out the economic repercussions.. makes you wonder.. how many trials can a country go through.. damn sad

Met J to collect the backpack - funny because she called me.. not the other way around.. and then turns up with her new bf.. I mean thats just not right.. I mean not that I give a shit - but whats with that huh? Lucky A , J and I were with me.. and luck oh luck - we catch J and her bf snogging in his car.. I really genuinely do not care for her anymore - but seriously did she have to do that? I mean.. why did she have to do that? She chose the place and time to meet.. I didn't really even want this meeting... and dammit - she said she did NOT have that shirt.. sigh.. LIAR!! did she burn it? or just lied in front of her bf? I know not but there go my hopes of retrieving one o fmy favourite shirts... crap!!

Anyway, yeah M, S, E, J - the only 4 - maybe I and A (if they remember the address) - I know I wasn't meant to write intensely personal stuff - but this aint exactly personal and since she is out of my system I don't mind.. if anything - that just proves how bad chicks are..

On that vein - heard more rumours about T in hall.. and saw some visible evidence too.. what a bitch.. too damn bad for the guy who got rejected/dumped I guess.. but again proves all that shit abotu cold hearted chicks.. man.. they are something!!!

Alright - enough bitching dammit .. swelling emotions and all that.. he he.. cant wait to go watch champion's league now!! hehe..

all that negativity - gone now that I've written and got it out of my ageing system ;)

iam not growing up
iam growing old
iam not getting wiser
iam getting cynical
iam not gaining experience
iam gaining weight
iam not prosperous
iam plain fat
iam not saving for the future
iam spending in the present
iam not working hard
iam unable to find anything better to do
i dont prefer hanging out with the boys
i just cant get a girl to hang around with
iam not being good
iam just not getting any action

Tomorrow is the final paper - before 3 months of total freedom - unless you factor in FWOC, but that is fun.. So well, after about 5 years, I finally have a really long break! (Yah, after graduation started working only a month later, so that wasn't long either - the last long break was in 1999). Sounds like fun - if I can actually do half the things Iam mentally planning and yearning to do.. when did you ever realise time was so crucial eh!!

And had the familiar panicky feeling that churns your insides and confuses your intestines, pancreas, gall bladder and vocal cords! It was actually a delicious feeling as for that little while I felt superhuman and learning was a breeze.. now if only I can figure out how to get and sustain the feeling.. ohh yeahh!!

Good bye to the dining hall for a while I guess..

Oh yeah, the missing link invited me to dinner with the exchange students - though looking at her, you would think it was (s)exchange student.. he he he

Suddenly so many things to write about.. should be meeting J to collect the backpack - aint a pleasing prospect.. and guess mom will have to be in M'sia while i travel off to India first - yeah, could not change the damn plane ticket

Holidays - long free days with absolutely no responsibility.. ah the freedom I crave.. actually just the opportunity to slack.. this is a tremendous feeling.. suddenly I do not for one bit mind student life.. thought I might mind it a few hours from now when I have to face Law of Contract!!!

Just to complete today's entry - which incidentally is sooo full of myself.. here's a little something...

In Between

Sometimes i think everything in life i have
Other times i think everything in life i lack
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think iam goddamn smart
other times i think iam a dumb fart
Truth is iam something in between

Sometimes i think money will answer all my needs
Other times i think all that matter are good deeds
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think at all costs i should be nice
Other times i think it isnt worth the price
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think this world is a lovely beautiful place
Other times i think everyone should get the f**k off my face
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think my best friend is a poser
Other times i think maybe he isnt that much a loser
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think every man is born to hate
Other times i think to each his fate
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think every girl is born to break some guy's heart
Other times i think every broken hearted guy played his part
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think life should always be the same
Other times i think that would be so damn lame
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think in everything i must have my way
Other times i think others should have a greater say
Truth is its somethign in between

Sometimes i think my rhymes are really cool
Other times i think iam a f***ing fool
Truth is its something in between

Sometimes i think u might read this and get what i mean
Other times i think you'll never understand what ive been
Truth is its something in between..........

Its not even 4am.. Iam going to sleep NOW! Thats a good start - got the 'early to bed' bit down nice. If the 'early to rise' bit works out, will be excellent! Lets hope so eh.. For once the weather is nice and cool.. and besides been feeling sleepy for a while - think its contagious.. all my mugger mates (should i call them that?)went to sleep early.. and the bleary eyed, sour faced one kept yawning incessantly!!!

Hope can study a LOT tomorrow.. Oh yeah, M if you see this and the time is after 9am... pleasssse wake me up.. this time I will wake up for sure.. same applies to anyone else - but doubt any of the 3 or 4 who might read this will be up early!

And yeah - here's a work from Kipling for a change - who would have thought Ranieri has such excellent taste in reading!

Well, I actually dont like Kipling that much - he was a pompous imperialistic ass (or so I think from my limited exposure to him) but this is a helluva good poem nevertheless.. think iam half the man(if that) Kipling wants one to be.. ha ha



[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

An utterly useless day - academically!!

Very enriching - otherwise.. Interesting conversation the whole day - before dinner.. during dinner.. and after.. all with different people too.. Other people's experiences are always so interesting.. maybe simply because its neither good nor bad.. you get all the plus of the experience without feeling a thing.. how cool is that?

Yeah - shall wake up early than my 1pm waking ups these days that iam getting accustomed to..
so little time, so much to read!

Good Night

Added sound to the page..
If any of y'all limited visitors encounter problems with the sound - let me know - file is kind of big..
Ofcourse if you just dont like the sound.. well, that is quite another story ;)

Ah - G came to meet me as well - bought me supper.. old friends showing up one after another? Back together with S now.. they looked happy.. am mighty pleased! The old confidence and talkcock in generous amounts.. ha ha.. funny eh.. being attached makes so much of a difference to some people.. funny shit ;)

Attempts at studying hard have not been very fruitful.. crap!! Contract just sucks.. I mean its just a bad fucking subject.. How could anyone ever like shite like this? makes one wonder.. maybe lawyers really are DICKS..

If every lawyer is a dick
To being an enggr should I stick?
Now one cannot be too rash
After all the dicks make more cash
And like flies get attracted to shit
Da women like cash not brains or wit
So I shall just join the dicks
If for nothing else for the chicks!

yeah - that did not make much sense.. its deep.. as Fred Durst would say "just think 'bout it.."
back to trying to mug now folks.. Adios....

Did not study the whole day.. met larry and went to sign the notbeook thing.. funny, but now he is working and iam studying.. he is scolding me and asking me to study hard.. role reversal? its like the proverbial wheel turning a complete cycle.. it feels really funny.. as in weird.. we talked and I realised how I missed working life.. the adrenaline, the alcohol, the places, the faces - everything! I mean, I never thought that was possible..

Well, Iam determined now.. what Iam doing must make some difference.. it must take me somwhere.. I will study hard.. this semester is already on its deathbed.. it shall not happen next semester.. no more distractions.. no more laziness.. its about TIME!!

nah - aint got no time
to pen some stupid rhyme!

may the Force be with me..

yeah - I was busy trying to study listening to hardcore metallica after ages.. as always, inspired some reallly stoopid rhyme.. had to write it before it faded to black.. ha ha

Never realised I was capable of so much hate
Never knew how easily simple things could aggravate
So much seething fury so much contained rage
Whatever's left of my mind anger and hate ravage
Theres a part that somewhere longs for peace
The anger and hate - they need release
So I thought I could and tried run them away
But like persistent itch they still hold sway
Maybe all this is repressed sexual agression
All I needed was to vent some passion (All I needed was some ejaculation - rejected this one-too sexplicit)
So did I need to go and wank?
Or find some chick to spank?
Desperately I sought a remedy
To cure me of this malady
Then I hit on the perfect solution
The way to rid this polltuion
Yeah the answer was always very near
The magic that was and will be beer..........

hehehehe.. it gets cornier!!!!

Ah - successful fourth day of blogging! That beats all existing records and officially I put this topic to sleep.

These days its funny.. far from being uneventful, there is actually stuff happening! YK called today - bastard has gone and joined some wine company and calls me for a $85 dinner. Now, much as I like wine, how the heck am I supposed to spend that much being a poor first year student that Iam :P

But that just reminds me - getting broke.. finances are diminishing at a rapid rate.. must do something about it. Cancelled 1 credit card.. 3 more to go.. so much shit to do.. gotta collect visa.. gotta collect flight ticket.. gotta ask J back for my bag - thats gonna be one pain of a conversation.. can I ask for my tshirt as well? I mean - I like that shirt dammit! Oh well, we'll see.. reminders of past follies flooding back today.. not a good sign.. age catching up.. torrent of thoughts.. no order or method to them.. swirling in a nameless mist.. all on top of this fucked up weather.. if mid april is like this.. I can't imagine may/june/july! COULD it get any more stifling than this? Miss the air-con days when I wouldn't even see sunlight for more than 5 minutes.. what have I done to myself.. why am I thinking all this? Is it today's paper? Funny how YW and JS think I look far and have a plan for my life.. if they ONLY knew.. ha ha

okok.. that manically depressing paragraph.. ha ha.. anyway, guess if it gets really bad must go and get a webcam and chat with P... hahahaha.. alrighty that was a joke! dont need that kind of a distraction now ;)

Inspired to comment on the weather.. let me try!

every minute of the day we sweat
our shirts perpetually wet
its hot and humid and always sticky
even just after a shower you feel yucky
the room stifles and you run away
in the aircon library you wanna stay
but you gotta get out when it closes at night
though the sun's gone there is no respite
these interminably long hot summer days
will be ok if we could lie in a dreamy daze
but we cant relax for exams are here
its them not the sun thats our greatest fear
when you think of the heat and your soul cowers
think of ice creams and air con and cold showers
without the heat would you like the cold?
without the meek who'll appreciate the bold?
so the next time you wanna play soccer and it rains
Think of this heat which brings all these pains..


hahaha.. another corny one!!! iam letting my brains rot - oh yeah yes iam!!

ah.. interesting past few hours.. Pamela, my surprise friendster mate had a surprise in store for me.. first time I ever chat with her and she starts on about webcams and next thing I know, Eugene and I get a mini striptease/topless dance live on webcam!!

I mean - what the heck.. There is a part of me that STILL thinks its Yiwen or Barry or Larry or Peter or one of my numerous bastardly friends playing a horny prank on me.. but I must say its difficult to reconcile with what we saw today.. she actually responded when we asked her to do something.. that means she was there doing it right.. we could see her reading the computer and responding.. sweet Lord! At this age, do I need shocks like these? I mean we always talk about shit like this.. but now that it happens, its shocking and a bit unnerving! Am I all talk and no cock? Probably.. shit.. fuck.. there goes my machismo!!

Anyways yeah there is a paper tomorrow and all this is swept away to a dark corner of the mind ( no its not all dark corners in there).. oops Rei just passed me my mug I'd left behind.. getting old and senile dammit!!

Oh wait.. what happened to the first letter naming convention.. It should be P who danced and R who returned the mug.. ha ha.. talking of which.. M sounds like James Bond's boss right? I mean it IS the name of Bond's boss - just a simple, mysterious M! If you;re reading this M, you oughtta be happy! but since I called you M, does that make me Bond? he he.. sweet thought (not about having a female boss, but about being Bond)

yeah I should stop now.. dont feel like rhyming? If i have brain cells, they should be reserved for the paper morrow! But I'll add an old one though ;)

And oh yeah - the time is changed :P

Oh M - careful, law 3 isn't as far as it seems to be now!

The raging monsters that fill my head
Wake up when i lie on my bed
The seething fury, the anguished cries
They're all i hear when i close my eyes
Pain and anger they form a team
Together control every dream
You dont know the sights I fear
The dreaded sounds i hate to hear
So there I go again my friend
These nights they will never end!!

Good Night

Holy shit.. just tried to locate a private blog from the internet using google and such.. and just realised the enormity of this blogging thing.. its everywhere.. think there must be MILLIONS blogging!! I wonder if I will keep mine up.. he he... another stupid rhyme..
Will I continue my blogging?
Or is this another dead horse iam flogging?
Me blogging - is it a lost cause?
Or were the past 4 months just a pause?
Longer than 3 days will this last?
Or will it fade like the times past?

hahahaha.. i cant imagine coming up with these silly assed rhymes.. Mein Gott! That took me all of 3 mins.. this is damn dumb!!!!!!! Guess this is what happens when there is a paper tomorrow and I dont feel like studying? And the one whose blog reinspired me - yeah call her Ms.M - sounds funny this first letter thing.. she is sitting right here oblivious to this blogging.. she put up my whole damn previous stupid rhyme on her blog.. sue her for plagiarism? ah, but copyright is a 3rd year subject.....

Ah - here I valiantly continue my efforts at sustained blogging!
Its 1300 hrs.. so much for waking up at 1000. Whatever happened to discipline eh? Exams are just around the corner but I am not scared. If I was scared, I wouldn't be doing this.. ha ha.. dammit! Old and Bored.......

Alrighty - off to study.. will try and add on later

Oh yeah.. after an eternity of not blogging.. and another minor eternity of figuring out what my blog name was, here Iam!!
back to the world of online writing - exposing the whole damn world to a flood of dangerous ideas and feelings and what not...

actually I got inspired by someone who was blogging using my ibook.. someone whose blog revealed hidden depths (or complications) I never thought existed.. I mean these blogs are something alright..

But this is not the ibook though.. this is my trusty old friend of 4 years.. my very abused but very cherished desktop!

Anyway, iam back.. and just an indication of how long its been - the premiership season which was at its infancy during my previous entry - is almost over now.. and L'pool 's season (as has been for the past fucking decade) is an abysmal waste.. and yeah - its close to the end of the scond semester!

Maybe i should stop now and not overdo it the first day that Iam back.. but then again, since this one will probably die in 3 days, maybe I should write something significant!

The tangled webs that people weave
Is it really the others they deceive?
All the things they say do they believe?
Their thoughts behind can they leave?

If something's on one's mind
To its effect can one be blind?
aren't thoughts and feelings aligned?
Dont they with each other bump and grind?

Maybe its just a superior brain
Like an umbrella against the rain
That can sieve through the pain
So thoughts are but in vain...

argh - does it make any sense to anyone? I dont know.. just heard this line "its always on my mind - but iam not affected by it" - how does that happen? I don't know.. if it doesnt affect me it wont me on my mind right? ha ha.. that 5 minute rhyme was based on that 1 line.. Chew on it.. makes sense? I dont know..